Its how we land

P.O.S.  did a song with Justin Vernon of Bon Iver fame. Two words... Skinny Love,
Which brings my fat ass to my next Blog.

We are going to open a bakery. Let me  lay some back track on that. By we, I mean Tory and I. I have bought the naming rights. A muffin shop called Cock Baby. Anyone get the reference? I have been informed if I have any interest in baking I may be a homosexual. Good news, I have zero interest in baking. I guess I can serve openly in the military than., Don't ask don't sell....me a muffin.  I don't even like sweets. If you could make like a ghost pepper muffin I may take a double take, but in the end Id move along. Sweets are like annoying women to me, they do nothing for me.  Regardless of my lack of interest in sweets Ive recently come to grips that I will always be fat. Or unhealthy, what ever you want to call it. I both enjoy and hate working out. Its my long haul health care paradox. That Ill probably take to my grave. So why invest? In a bakery. Clearly your delusional self conscious psyche have got to be doing it for more than then naming rights. Naming rights that of, Cock Baby. by the by Im not self conscious. And Im not talking to my self in a blog right now. Im sane. Im completely sane. Even if I do use the phrase by the by. Go ahead and start using that. I promise you it will make you sound an umph degree smarter. I do. But No! Im opening up the bakery because I believe in Victoria. She will be victorious. She is a fearless warrior women with the buisness sense of a democratic Donald Trump.  Meaning she will make money, and still be very generous. Any thing you can do, Tory can do better.  This is my friend, this is my buisness partner. And we are Cock Baby Bakery. Taking orders soon

My Sister

My sister is a scientist that doesn't believe in global warming. She believes that aliens are frequently monitoring our lame little planet. (and probing our cattle) She has an absurd distrust for our government. (as she should) She can write poetry like a wise pessimistic artist that has been doing it for years. She has the ability to do great things. She is a handful. She has a beautiful child who may have been a gift from god. She believes in the god particle, but not in god. She likes to leave long messages over my vox, after I clearly set a 30 second vox rule. (annoying) She often offers me blind praise the same way amaurotic mothers patronizes their disappointing children (Good job, great effort, I love you not matter what). She has been a disappointing child. But haven't we all?  She will never provide her future child with an awesome name like Mallurca, or an even cooler middle name like Boom! (MIA BOOM) She's an excellent speaker.  She can wing it. She can 25 cent wing it.  She is a cynic. Like most 20 something year olds in my family.  She believes she knows it all. Like most 20 something year olds in america. She is a crazy cat women with out the cat. She is a short person. She is a very short person. She will get older one day, She will say, Wow, I didn't know shit when I was younger. She is not there yet. She will no longer be a cynic. She will be a liberal. And she will pick a side because fighting the system ultimately gets you no where, Embrace the ultimate "give-up". I have. I have been the ultimate devils advocate. The ultimate cynic. She is my sister. And she is amazing. But what do I know, I still don't know shit at 30.

Rescue Trained

Hello world, My sister has inspired me to write a blog. While there are a million of things for me to talk about. Right now Im all of the things I was 12 years ago. You think I would have evolved someway.. The warning signs I had shown, you figure someone would of invested some time, or thoughts, or motivation my way. It turns out neither my self or my friends turned out to be rescue trained. Which brings me to my first Post. A good old fashion rock review..

Song title - Rescue Trained
Band - Further Seems Forever

Further seems Forever is a significant band in my emotional upbringing. An album that didn't really help me cope with my first significant break up but rather relive and conjure up that night over and over again potentially stunting any normal growth I would of had as a jaded ex lover to a well groomed life partner to the next girl to bat her eyes at me. The song Just Until Sundown, describes our last night completely. "I spent too many hours holding up walls,  standing in corners and clenching my jaw, watching you watching the ones that I wanted to be".....Well this album was over 10 years old. The band released 2 other albums since this memory, both with different singers.  I never really liked them since the first album. I was having a hard enough time coping with change. I wasn't about to invest in a new singer. The band also has another significant meaning to me. At the time I was in a band. I remember hearing the complexity of this album, (THE MOON IS DOWN) from the constant rhythm changes to the lyrical stylings. For example this band likes to sing over the whole song. This was a new concept for me. I showed it to my band and I said we need to be more like this, more complex, faster drumming, faster guitars, and catchy. This would be my final push to turn from nu-metal for good, and ended up in the downfall of my first band. The other members wanted to continue with our Finger Eleven/Korn era style. It did however leave to several other bands. We have all died, and Certain Friends Suck, to name a couple.

Further seems Forever, ended up breaking up a few years back. This past year they reunited, with the original singer. They have an album coming out 10/23/2012 and have released 2 singles. The song I am in love with is called Rescue Trained. It is quite amazing, if you listen to this song along side the album THE MOON IS DOWN, its like it never skipped a beat. Great lyrical rhythm. Interesting guitar riffs that do not steal the show. Perfect pitch yelling during the chorus, that begs you to scream along.  Alot of bands from the era have fallen flat, so for this song to be this good after so many years apart. Is amazing. I have high hopes for this album, I have included a link to the lyric video above, check it out.  I will be going to Boston November 4th to see this band live. I haven't been to a concert in long long time.

http://youtu.be/p09O-dKWLjw

- SIDE NOTE - So my sister is a big Science nerd/conspiracy theorist - we have decided the name of my next band should Mr Higgins and the Tod Particles.

The high cost of low prices

xDownWithOPPx..:): whats up
xVicVicVictoriax not much about to go to westerlys walmart
xVicVicVictoriax shoot me
xDownWithOPPx what the fuck!
xVicVicVictoriax what?
xDownWithOPPx listen to this
xDownWithOPPx I was talking to John and my friend jenni lee today at the same time
xDownWithOPPx (3:16:47 PM): hey whats up Mpire42 (3:16:59 PM): n/m, waiting on a friend to go to walmart, what are you up to? xDownWithOPPx (3:19:13 PM): haha I just said whats up to my other friend xDownWithOPPx (3:19:17 PM): let me show u what he said Mpire42 (3:19:16 PM): ok xDownWithOPPx (3:19:27 PM): knifeathand (3:18:28 PM): nothing right now i have to go to wal-mart
xDownWithOPPx then i called ian and asked what he was doing and he said he had to go to wal-mart
xVicVicVictoriax hahahhahahahhaa
xVicVicVictoriax its a sign
xVicVicVictoriax you have to go to walmart
xDownWithOPPxfucking walmart

wiki - Patience Island

My first edit on wikipedia, They will soon ban my IPS

Patience Island
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Patience Island from near the Warwick Light

Patience Island, shown in red, in the inner part of Narragansett Bay
Patience Island lies off the northwest coast of Prudence Island, in the town of Portsmouth, Rhode Island, United States. The island has no inhabitants and has a land area of 0.8536 km² (0.33 sq mi, or 210.9 acres), making it the fourth-largest island in Narragansett Bay.
[edit] History
The island and others nearby were named by Roger Williams and other early colonists. Colonial school children often recited the poem: "Patience, Prudence, Hope and Despair. And the little Hog over there."[1] Patience Island became part of Portsmouth in 1664. In the summer of 2009 this island was subject to a hostile take over by one Todd and Louis. Two proud co workers, brave men of honor. They landed on shore, travelled sea by kayak. And burried rum on the east shore under neath the upside down skull and cross bones. They have claimed this land in the name of their unborn children untill a worthy challenger comes forward.

Alaska 2004

IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME.
I WOULD LAND ON A TUESDAY.
I WOULD TELL MY BOYS, SORRY GUYS I GOT BIG PLANS
TONIGHT IM HANGING OUT WITH THE SUN.
WE ARE GOING TO SHINE BRIGHTER THAN EVER BEFORE.
IM NOT LAME, YOU GUYS ARE JUST JELOUS
YOULL BE JELOUS OF MY NEW TAN
WE WILL LOOK GORGEOUS
AND IN THE PM,
WERE GOING TO HIDE UNDER THE COVERS
THE CLOSEST PLACE TO HAPPINESS I HAVE EVER KNOWN
YES IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME
I WOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT HER ALONE.

WHEN IM HANGING OUT WITH THE BRIGHTEST STAR IVE EVER KNOWN
I FEEL SO WARM
IM SORRY I FORGOT THAT
I CAN NOT GO BACK IN TIME.
THIS IS NOT THE 80S I AM NOT THE DOC
SO THE SUN HAS RUN OFF WITH THE MOON
(THE DARK SIDE)
NOW MY LIFE IS IN SHADOWS
AND I AM NOT A SISSY
BUT ITS PRETTY DAMN SCARY
WHERE IS THE FUTURE?
WHERE IS OUR TECHNOLOGY

check out this song at http://www.myspace.com/amegryanloveaffair

the youth, the waffle, and the laxative

I have recently discovered I did a lot of strange things as a child. Let me share a few of them with you now. Short of telling you about the home video sketches we made in the vein of in living color on crack minus the budget/talent. These videos featured some classic skits such as the unsuspecting heterosexual, the bobbing heads, Roger Duke, and many many more. I will however leave this part of my life out. As it should deservingly have its own blog dedicated to it, itself. I will say this however I often would show these videos to any new girl Casey would bring home, as he was the lead in what usually turned out to be amateur gay porn of the dry humping variety which was hilarious to most if not all teen age boys. I still remember how upset he was, the first time we ever showed our father. However most people thought these videos were very funny. He was still embarrassed. I think a part of my father died when he had seen these skits. And he may have lost all respect for us, but like Will Smith says “Parents just don’t understand” you will find I live most of my live based on things that will smith has or has not said. No one understands this, No one except for one Jessica Thurber. Who is part of a strange section of my life. Quick thought, she randomly bought me, in paperback form, a book about the life and times of Will Smith. This memory has implanted Jessica into my memory, much like a first love, or a loss of virginity although she was neither. One thing I’ll say about her was I used to tell my brother Casey, because she was in the same grade as him. That he should date her. I didn’t know her name at the time but she had this strange beauty to me. He instead dated Mel. And when he described who he was dating I really thought he meant Jessica. When I met her she was clearly not. I think part of this decision is why I had been so hard on Mel. Calling her C3P0, and B.O.B (brother’s old booty whenever they broke up) or Greasy. Mel was very pretty too I was just disappointed Casey didn’t go with my choice. So when he brought Mel home I showed her Casey in our videos assuming she would go running for the hills. This did not work. Mel stayed for many, many years. So it was very strange how Jessica and I came to hang out much later in life after I graduated and had my first apartment. I don’t know why buying me that book has such a profound effect on my memories but it does. So thanks Jess! I wasn’t exactly nice to her, and for that I’m sorry but like most things in life. I will blame that on my actual first love. Which like the gay porn videos deserves its own blog. However I will not blog about it. It’s over, it’s done, all Ill say is she’s the one, Kill her! Which was famously scribbled on the back of the photograph from the movie memento except his said He’s the one kill him. I had always liked the idea of that and use it on the back of my first loves pictures. So the following are a few stories that I remember back when life made sense.

I remember the happiest day of my “under the parent’s law” life was when I got my very first car. I say under the parent’s law, but we were never really under the law of our parents. I think having 7 bro and sis is a benefit in a way. After the first kid fucks up, and the 2nd child fucks up and so on by the time it your turn for some child rearing they have pretty much given up and had lost all hope. As one of the middle children it was clear my parents had been jaded and short of getting a divorce had adopted a mentality where they would just say “Fuck it, do what you want” or they would say things like “Your grounded go to your room” to which you would reply “Fuck it, I’ll do what I want.” I soon mastered the art of being a bastard child. This process will help explain why each one of my brothers and sisters are extremely different people. If you knew any of us you would assume that we were raised as an only child. Except for Jessica and Kendyl. They are very similar. They both live in Naraganset, they both can be are good mothers, and they both have an eating disorder. With the recent weight gain I have noticed on Jessica it is clear that Kendyl is winning. By weight gain I mean she actually looks healthy. Where was I, Oh yes, my car. I guess a car in a way represented freedom to me. I had this strange understanding of how the slaves must have felt when Abraham Lincoln gave his speech or how women felt when there husband came home one day and said “You are no longer my property, oh and you can vote.” I’m guessing they must have had a very similar feeling as I did on this beautiful summer day. It was an 89 Ford escort, hatchback. Pretty sweet ride. I know comparing getting an escort and ending slavery will not compute to some of you reading this but I say that it would make one hell of reparation. I encourage Obama to give all African Americans ancestors of American slaves a brand new used, well it’s new to them, 89 Ford escort. It’s the least we can do. And it will go a long way to improve race relations while limiting reverse racism. Moving on, prior to having a car my life was spent mostly riding bikes, climbing walls, and going down to the park with Josh Vargulish, Billy Hoyle, or Nick Sadler where we would travel through pipes. We would wait till winter where the water would freeze, this would allow us to walk even further through the pipes, otherwise we would often have to step in what was probably dirty sewage water. This was ok with us, as we felt like we were like a modern day Louis and Clarke about to discover something exciting. I’m not sure what it is we thought we would find, maybe it was the Nintendo up bringing in us and we were looking for a secret underground world like in Mario. It was during these simple years that I think I learned to appreciate nature. That and those ninja turtle commercial where they would remind me to turn off the faucet while I brushed my teeth, and turn off the lights when I leave a room to help save mother earth. I stopped believing in god at some point in my childhood and started praying to mother earth instead. I spent a lot of time turning lights off after my brother and sisters had left any room of our house. It was like a part time job to me. I spent too much time on this. I try to instill my love of nature into my brothers kids however big screen tvs, and complex video games have ruined imagination for the youth of today. So as a younger kid we would drive our bikes as far as we could, and often forget that “SHIT, we need to now turn back and drive home.” We may have pushed our limits too far on this ride. It’s funny now I have no energy now as an adult, yet then it was never ending. And I didn’t need to pay 5 dollars for a 3 oz bottle of liquid crack. Can I just say that this energy trend is a trend that I hope ends. All these energy drinks. It seems like dark magic to me, and I don’t believe. Most taste disgusting like a medicine. At least when I’m taking medicine though I feel like it is going to do something. We always had wild plans back then, like riding our bikes as far as could and camping out and never returning home. I always wanted to bring ramen noodles to cook over a fire. I loved ramen noodles at a very young age, at an age where you should not yet know what ramen noodles are. My pre car childhood had several eras. Based on the friend I had at the time. There was the Billy Hoyle era. Home to my first ever sleep over. This is where I tried bacon on pizza for the first time. I love bacon. Than we had the Nick Sadler era. Who I can easily say was one of the funniest kids I have ever met. And we hung out with our good friend Louis Colon until he stole my yellow vfr dyno bike. Bastard. I could tell you a million stories about Nick and me. He was the main developer of making funny videos. Our first movie was called the Nick and Todd show. We created a lot of special effects for these videos, you would not consider them special effects now but they were special to us. Then Nick had to move to central falls and I was afraid of Spanish people so that era shortly faded. (I’m joking Louis was Spanish after all it wasn’t easy for us to be long distance friends is all) Then It Was the I hate my parent’s era. Then the Josh Burt era which continued into me getting a car and into the social ocean era. Social Ocean aside from the lack of motivation was probably the greatest rock band to ever come out of Woonsocket.  And this band had both made me and destroyed me. The social ocean era splashed in Corey Machowski who had been a constant in my childhood acquaintances, and a bunch of other random starring roles. This was the era when we mastered the art of objectifying women. After the demise of this era, came the final and most disappointing era of all. The John Losoya era. I call this the Futon era. Because a futon to me, is the most disappointing transformer of all time. If you don’t understand that joke, than you have never slept on a futon, and I hope all is well in that ivory tower of yours. My only wish is for you to keep reading and stop mocking me from up there. I say John, the human futon if you will, is disappointing but at least we get along well and always can catch up no matter how much time has passed. He may very well be my heterosexual life mate. Each of these eras had their great moments. Throughout the mix the one constant was my brother Casey. We are not that close today, but I would say he is my best friend. Having so many different best friends at different times, helped shaped me. However I do now as an adult feel like the plot to I love you, man. Maybe I need to go on some man dates to meet new male friends. If I were to get married I’m not sure who I would have in my wedding party. Casey is getting married in August and has asked me to be his best man. Which is an honor. I’m not sure what kind of speech I will give. I will probably just Keep it short and play “The video” from before on a wide screen. Anyone of my friends during any of these eras I would have loved to share this honor for me and be my best man. I think it would be Casey. But I am way ahead of myself; I’m not married, not engaged. Hell I’m not even dating anyone. And if it weren’t for money I wouldn’t even be sexual active. Ok that was a joke about prostitution. I like to follow that joke up with a simple fact that it is in fact a joke and I have never really paid for sex. Josh and I need to reconnect nothing helps pick up chicks like a great wing man. And I’d say we always did well if it weren’t for all of our young jealousy and youthful competition. I miss you red bull. (My nick name for Josh)

One tradition we had and I think a lot of people had in high school. Was the artful misendever of pumpkin stealing? You can brag about stealing pumpkins all you want, but no one did it quiet like me and my band of misfit friends. We decided that when we stole a pumpkin, we wanted to leave something in return. We wanted to stick out among the normal pumpkin stealers. So we decided to leave in its place a frozen waffle and a ransom note. And because are wit was larger than our tact we called ourselves the Waffle bandits. Every so often you would here the rumblings in school of someone saying “It was the weirdest thing someone stole our pumpkin and left a frozen waffle in its place. God damn waffle bandits strike again!” well I added that last part in my head. And we would choose one home and take photos of their pumpkin in compromising situations, hanging over a cliff, blind folded, Smashed, If we did this now a day’s hell I think we would of water boarded one of them. Thank you Dick Cheany for helping keeping all of us so safe for 8 magical years. I hereby make you an honorary member of the waffle bandits. We would leave pictures of the pumpkins at the home. With no evidence in the photo of course just masked men. We also had a website we would inform people to visit. I wish it was still online because we had an example of one of our ransom notes. I don’t remember what it said but I do remember it made us laugh and laugh.

One time I had brought Casey out with us. Me and my friend Fatty and a couple of Casey’s friends. We made the biggest heist of all time. This pumpkin was so large we could not fit it in the trunk. It was in front of a restaurant it took 3 of us to pick it up. When we tried to put it in the trunk we couldn’t, nervous we sped off. We later pulled over and slammed the trunk shut. Later that evening we were stealing average size pumpkins, and all of a sudden from behind us were high beams. I immediately had a flash back of a time when we were younger. We would read and actually listen to this book of scary stories. One of the stories was about a man that was hiding in the back seat. Every time the guy stood up with a knife the car behind them would flash there hi beams as a warning, then my mind wondered still to another story in the book and I started humming WHERE IS MY BIG TOEEEEEE!!!! My mind wonders pretty easily. I shook my head and came back to reality. We were now being chased. So we are driving all while throwing pumpkins out the car smashing in the road. The car behind us fast on our tail swerving out of the way of the renegade smashing pumpkins. At this point we are speeding and we drive past a parked cop car. And we see the police lights turn on, we are not slowing down, the cop ended up pulling over the car behind us who had been chasing us. It was the most satisfying teen age victory of my teen age life. We were now free to turn the radio back up and rode off into the night while rocking out to you saw my blinker bitch by Will Smith. Two days later we saw in the newspaper a story about the large missing pumkin. Again we never took credit for the heist, or the waffles we didn’t want the fame or the glory we just wanted to leave our mark on society any way we could. After this I think I could rest easy. In the words of George bush, I’ll go ahead and state in premature fashion of course “mission accomplished. “

I probably have a million stories about John. The kid has a million nick names. We call him Wal-Mart, Johnny Wal-Mart, JW, Arty-choke, J-Lo, Johnny brooks, Johnny Walgreens, Johnny Right aid you name it. Any store you can name rest assured this dude has taking a dump behind it while getting his junk sucked by a retarded boy. I’d like to say this was a joke but this boy is the queen of the slow all male plumpkin. He calls himself the waffle bandit (he is known for stealing all of my good ideas) and would like to say he was going plumpkin stealing. I don’t know, I would hardly call taking advantage of a slow person male or female as stealing if anything it was plumpkin rape. This however is not the story I will share with you, although by now you are probably wondering what the fuck am I talking about or have stopped reading all together. I’d like to tell you the infamous laxative story now. Oh how great it was. John is the type of friend that everyone has. You know the kind of person that you have all made fun of so much that you think you should thank him for all the good times you had. This was John. I’d say he has change a lot since then but this is the story of how johns life got flipped turn upside down, I’d like to take a minute just sit right there I’ll tell you how john had to take a shit in bel air. See I told you, live my life by it. One day, I was with my roommate Nate. And John was over. We invited some girls over. And John begging for attention as he usually was whenever we brought any women over the house plus sized women especially. He would get extra excited because he would feel like he would have a shot. At the very least he would get someone’s sloppy seconds. The way he got attention was often different. Sometimes it was being the sensitive type to swoop in after something probably horrible had been done by one of the roommates in the house, by backstabbing, or he would just do something outrageous. Like let us shoot him with 500 paint balls. Or let us shave his head. Or test the can of spray paint we threw in the fire don’t worry john its save you can trust us go find out why it hasn’t yet exploded. I helped him understand early on that humor can unlock a chastity belt faster than a box a wine and a brad pit movie marathon. And John was just hoping a female was looking, or would be watching. And that she would be laughing. So he decided to let one of the girls that had come over tie him up with duct tape. So they did, they mummified him. He could not move only his feet and head were exposed. He was lying on the couch and then started to say he was hungry and asked one of the girls to feed him pistachio nuts he had in a bag. When he said this I realized I too was hungry. So I said ok lets go out to eat. We debated do we take him as a mummy, untie him, or leave him behind. This was back when john was a fat kid. We decided taking him would be too much work, untying him would be no fun, so we left him behind. So we put the pistachio on the other side of the room unopened on a night stand. We told john we would be back and left. Already that is hilarious. We ended up going to stop and shop, and Emily. One of the girls that had come over decided to buy some chocolate laxatives. They looked exactly like a Hersey bar. So we bought one of those too. We came home maybe 40 mins later to find that John, had somehow shimmied across the room, knocked the nuts off the table, ripped the bag open with his mouth and had been eating and spitting nut shells out all over the living room corner. So the girls are talking to him and laughing. John is loving the attention. So Emily starts to feed John chocolate candy and chocolate laxatives until the whole box is gone. We then inform John of what he had just eaten. He gets silent. Surprisingly he didn’t have to go to the bathroom that night. The next morning I went to brunch with my brother at Chellos. John came along with us. He didn’t really enjoy his breakfast as he spent the whole time in the bathroom, I ate his waffle. I told my brother the story who then told my parents. And my parents think that I am a bad person. I still think it was hilarious. And everyone in this story is a winner. I got the laughter that I needed and John got the attention he wanted. And the toilet at Chellos got the attention that it had been craving as well. The person that went into the bathroom after John, priceless.